so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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