At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
