I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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