whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
