hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there's paper in my vomit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
