He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize