My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
