I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
