U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
