I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
