So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
