Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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