I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
