and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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