Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
