Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
