Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
