i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize