I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
