That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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