I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this boner is exhausting
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
