My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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