well I can't set my house on fire every night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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