I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pants are for mortals
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
