your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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