Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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