Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
