some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
