Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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