I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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