I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
