So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
