My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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