You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
