He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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