This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
