ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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