some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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