Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
