is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
