Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
