....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
