I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
