don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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