i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
