Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would ride that face into the sunset
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
