but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
