Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize