I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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