You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
