I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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