Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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