What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can Purell be used as lube?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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