the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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