I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can text with my tongue
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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