so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
