were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
