I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
