her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
