we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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