hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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