He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
