So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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