Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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