Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
