I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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