yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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