He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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